OhKay

I had fun Saturday night ;) It was nice getting away from the kids for awhile.....;)
I have lots more i want to share but i need to get my facts straight first.

Here is a dilemma: I'm in love..

Yes i'm in love but truth be told, there is no way I can be with the person i'm in love with...There is about a million obsticals in our path..or my path rather b/c he doesn't realize how much in love with him I am..
ODD to form, it has nothing to do with sex or anything like that. Tho. I do wonder what it would be like....I just want to be with this person like 24/7. and When I'm not talking to him my heart is broken and torn inside. :( I dunno how to fight these feelings. He has his own life and sex life to tend with and i'm sure he doesn't need me fringing on his parade. but Still HOW DO I Stop LOVING SOMEONE with as much intensity as I am feeling right now. I'm not eating normal..like i usually do when i'm in the first stages of love.. I haven't eaten in 24 hours..nor do i feel hungry. I guess I should go eat something..but its tottally going to be healthy.

You see i'm tottally not normal.

Well thats one of my many dilemma's i'm fighting with at the current time.

I hate my flippin life! im so freakin depressed..its not even funny.....I wish I could be normal.

The Doctor put me on Depokote for my bipolar disorder..i'm being very cautious about this because I'm scared to gain any weight..i'm already Overweight and Adding more weight would just make be big as a marshmellow *lol* seriously i would look like a big puffy white marshmellow! I don't want that. I worked hard last year when I lost 70 pounds! I have already gained like 30 pounds back when i was put on zyprexa. and NOW i'm on Depokote!! OMG! I wished they would have put me on topomax b/c ppl actually lose weight on that.
OH WELL, I will just have to adjust the things i eat and start writing down every last morsel i eat. ANd Stick to FAT FREE foods! ;)
We will see.
only time will tell....

Okay well YEsterday I got my first two child support CHECKS! WOOHOO!
about fuckin' time! ;)
ANywho, noone has left any comments while I was gone?
you maybe wonderin' why i haven't really been on line much this past week..well lets just say a lot of shit has been going on....First of all I haven't been able to sleep at all..but funny thing is, Tre hasn't either..he didn't sleep for 3 days at all and not tired either i called the doctor he just told me to give him some bendryl to make him sleepy..i did..it worked..but WHY? Why did he do this??? I guess I will just never know..

I Have more to say but i can't focus right now....
oh one more thing..i swear to god i musta had like 10 panic attacks yesterday!! If they dont' hurry up and put me on something soon I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.

Well

Well not much has happened this past weekend...
hmm lets see, I got my eyeglasses. people say i look more cuter and sophisticated.
Thats a good thing, to look smarter....I can play the role even if I'm not very smart or intelligent..too many drugs as a teenager got me all messed up with my IQ. *lol* hey i will be the first to admit that. Not enough brain cells or somethin'.
I'm glad I don't mess with drugs at the present time. I have better and more important things to tend to than worryin' about my next high. Tho, at times its hard to not want to get that one last high in. but i know I would end up in serious trouble if I did. So Avoiding it is the best way.
What else happened? My oldest neace of 17 years came over friday night and spent the night not much went on..just talked and stuff.
Saturday night my cousin Chris came over and we hung out for a short while before he left me home all alone. :( i wanted to cry. I dunno why but I did.
Still no child support check in the mail YET! i'm calling tomorrow and finding out what happened. Because my ex said he mailed it last friday.
It shoulda been here by now.
Oh well such is life.
I have no money but thats okay cuz i get paid This coming Thursday i just hope and pray i can survive with really no money until then. I hate livin' pay day to payday. it sucks!

~Crystal

Welcome to the Real World!

Well, Guess what guys and gals? I have to get Eyeglasses and not only that, bifocals.well at least i will be getting the no line bifocals. *loL* i would hate to be sportin' around that lil line.They should be in sometime next week or later this week. The frames are rose color and I purchased them from Sears.


My Best friend's little girl has Colic! *lol* Cries all evening! no peace and quiet unless she is in the baby swing! haha. yeah i went thru colic x2 with the twins..and that was no walk in the park! Moments like these makes me so so glad that I'm done with having kids and can't get pregnant anymore.


My Ex talked to me nicely last night! WOW! seems he is growing up a lil bit and talking about getting a second job. I hope this is something that will continue and not just a passing phase. Not that him havin' to hold down 2 jobs is healthy but he has 4 kids to support. 3 of them being mine. and he makes about 200 less than i do a month currently and my pay sucks. Oh yeah and he wants to go ahead and push the "divorce" issue so he can get remarried to April and have them as family. So far, he seems to be wanting to be more involved with his boys but i just hope that continues to improve and he doesn't take a step back and acts like he doesn't give a shit.

My oldest son has a fever, runny nose, and aches and pains....maybe the flu? Gosh i hope not!!

Okay thats all for now...;) LEAVE COMENTS, I LIVE FOR THEM!!!!! :)

OMG! Look at the article i found while surfing today:

Penis explodes during sex

Doctors in Romania are treating a 28-year-old whose penis exploded while he was making love to his girlfriend.

Ilarie Coroiu was taken to hospital in the Transylvanian town of Cluj after his girlfriend, Magdalena, 18, "felt something strange" and noticed that the bed was covered in blood.

Dr Angela Domocos, head of the accident and emergency department at Cluj General Hospital, said: "It is very rare for this to happen. We call it an exploded penis because it happens when the blood cavities in the penis burst.

"I don't know what this couple were playing at, but there must have been tremendous pressure inside the penis to make this happen."

Mr Coroiu is now recovering after an operation to stop the bleeding.

I thought I would share this interesting artical i found with you!
The following is an article courtesy of Warren Ryan from E-Background Check.

Let's start off with a story. It's fictionalized, but it shows how important background checking can be when you're getting into a relationship with someone.

After years of searching for Mr. Right, Joan thought she'd finally found him. She met Ken through a singles ad in the Washingtonian Magazine. The first date had gone great, and they'd been seeing each other every weekend for a month.

What was most amazing to Joan was the fact that Ken seemed to be interested in just about all the things she was. He loved to dance and was a terrific dancer. He was fanatical about country music--just like she was--and sometimes they'd spend a whole evening just listening to Garth Brooks CDs and cuddling on the sofa in his apartment. He never pressured her for sex but, somehow, it almost always happened, and he was a very gentle, tender lover.

With so much going for him, Joan was really bowled over when Ken let her in on a secret--he was about to become rich!

Ken offhandedly told Joan he'd recently been notified that he'd inherited a sizable estate in suburban Maryland, near Washington, D.C., from his grandfather. As soon as all the probate details were settled he'd come into an inheritance of almost two million dollars.

Ken wanted Joan to share his good fortune and his life, he said. He'd never loved anyone this much before, he said, or felt so close to anyone, or been so comfortable with anyone. He was sure Joan felt the same way. He wanted them to elope, to get married right away. What did it matter that they'd only known one another for a month? They were in love--why wait?

"Joan," he said, "let's fly to Vegas this weekend and just do it. Let's get married now!" Joan agreed to this idea immediately.

She was so ecstatic that she couldn't resist telling her co-worker and best friend Rhonda about her plans at lunch the next day.

Rhonda, however, didn't share her enthusiasm; in fact, her friend was extremely skeptical. "Ken just seems too good to be true," Rhonda said. And she knew what that meant. It meant he probably was too good to be true. She decided to do a little background checking on her friend Joan's new fianc?.

Being a savvy lady who'd once worked as an office manager at a private investigation firm, Rhonda knew how to run a quick background check on too-good-to-be-true Ken and see if anything jumped out at her.

First, as she told Joan, she needed a couple identifying facts about Ken to get her started. Joan supplied Ken's full name (Ken Ballaban) and address (132 Anderson St., Washington DC 20004).

The first thing Rhonda did was simply to check the Washington DC phone book. Surprise. There was no Ken Ballaban listed on Anderson St. And the telephone number he'd given Joan didn't work--it just rang and rang.

Rhonda decided to dig deeper. Lacking her own computer, she visited a local public library and used one of theirs to access the Internet. The first website she dialed up was http://www.anywho.com. She plugged in Ken's name on a form provided by the website and then hit "enter" on the keyboard. The library computer immediately produced a telephone number. Guess what, it was completely different from the one Ken had given Joan. It was not even local, it was in Albany, New York.

Rhonda then typed into anywho.com the phone number Ken had said was his and the computer produced another interesting bit of info. It was a pay phone. No wonder nobody ever answered there.

Something was definitely up. Rhonda was now sure there was more--or more likely, less--to Ken than he wanted Joan to know about.

Rhonda went out in the lobby of the library and dialed Ken's real phone number in Albany. A young woman answered.

"Hello."

"I'd like to speak to Ken Ballaban," said Rhonda.

"Who is this?" said the female voice.

Rhonda knew if she told the truth she'd likely get nowhere--so she did what private eyes do in this situation; she lied (they call it "using a pretext").

"This is his aunt," said Rhonda. We've had a death in the family and I need to contact him right away. He's come into some money."

The female voice became suddenly very interested. "How much money?"

"I can't say," said Rhonda. "Probably a fair amount. Is this his wife?"

"Yes, I'm his wife. I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him in six months, and he owes me for child support."

"Owes you for child support?"

"Yes, ma'am. He hasn't paid me a dime in almost a year. I've got the police on him."

"Is that a fact!"

"Listen, if that two-timing, drug-pushing lowlife comes into an inheritance, I want my money. Who'd you say died?"

"Uh, never mind, but if I locate him, I'll let you know," said Rhonda. She hung up.

Rhonda could have let it go at that. She'd already uncovered enough of Ken's true self to set off alarm bells, but since she was already at the library, she decided to dig a little deeper. She went back to the computer and did some more Internet research.

Using a few of the online resources described in this manual, she quickly pulled up some very startling information about Ken. She found he was being sued for fraud in three states. And his driver's license had been revoked for drunk driving. And he was not 31, like he'd told Joan; he was actually 42.

Rhonda got a printout of this information and, the next day at lunch, told Joan the whole story, that Ken was already married, that he had children, that he was 42, that he was a drug-pusher and two-timer (or so his wife said), a con-man, and a liar. She watched the blood drain out of Joan's face. For a minute she was afraid her friend was about to fall off her chair!

Joan was terribly shocked and disgusted and disappointed but she knew she'd averted a terrible mistake. In tears, she called up Ken. He slammed down the phone and then simply disappeared. She never heard from him again.

Over the next couple days--just out of curiosity--Rhonda did a little more checking. By using the Internet again and doing a little legwork at the county courthouse checking files she found out even more about Ken--

1. He'd been dishonorably discharged from the Air Force for beating up a fellow enlisted man.

2. Although he'd told Joan he was a Trinity University graduate, in fact Trinity University had no record of him.

3. He was wanted in New York on bigamy and check-kiting charges.

Ken is an extreme case, of course. But even so, you may be stunned to find out how different someone you've met is in reality from the person he seems to be!

What usually prompts a woman to run a background on a lover or fianc?? "The reason most people come to me [for background investigations] in the first place," says Private Investigator Ed Pankau, "is that somewhere in their being a warning bell has gone off. Their mind tells them something their heart doesn't want to listen to and whispers to them in the dark that all is not as it seems?Considering all the cases in which I've checked out personal relationships, I'd say almost 70 percent of the people I investigated hid something, major or minor, from their potential mate...Small lies I consider normal, and I tell my clients this is to be expected... However, every so often, I run across people who can really hurt you, the ones you need to watch out for--the sociopaths and pathological liars who prey on the single set. How bad can they hurt you? Very bad."

What's the moral of all this? Don't wait for a warning bell to go off. Don't wait for your mind to tell you something your heart doesn't want to listen to. Before dating a stranger...before getting seriously involved with someone... and, especially before marrying a man, any man...check him out!

Note To Self:
Remember on the 16th of November your Sister-in-law goes in for her hysterectomy.
Remember on the 18th your uncle goes in for some sorta surgery on his lungs.
Remember on the 18th you have an appointment at the Mental health clinic at 2 PM.
On The 23rd Tre goes in for his MRI at 10:30 AM.

Thats it Thank you;) and Remember to give your kids a hug and a kiss everyday!!!

Another Boring day!!

Not much to tell...

no i lied They say my son Tre maybe epleptic...I gotta go on the 23rd so they can do an MRI. I dunno why they are waiting so long when I wanna know NOW...
They also said he looked Pasty Pale in color..and yeah i have to agree with them..he has always been so sickly and pale! So they are doing a blood count which they took yesterday..
I've never seen a neruologist looked so puzzled as to what is wrong with my son..

MY mom made me cry today..She is always right and thats the scary part. She said she doesn't think Tre will live much longer...She said she has always felt that way even when he was born..and i started to tear up b/c its the truth...When he was born I didn't let myself become too attached to him b/c i just knew he would pass away from me...and Ihave 2 others i have to be worried about and I had no time for mourning...
but that was then ..now If God forbid something terrible was to happen to him...i swear i would just lose my mind..
So thats the state i'm in at this point.
Its a long time for they may know any answers..and ihope its simple things..not anything life threatning.but i'm tryin' to put that in my mind but on the back burner.....Every morning..i'm so scared i'm going to go in his room and find him not breathing and dead...its a scary thought..
oh also, they said his heart rate was fast yesterday..even when he was calm and laying half asleep in my lap! I dunno what they plan to do or refer me too concerning that..i guess they think one huddle at a time..
and the poor boy only weighs 23 pounds!! he will be 3 in march!! He eats like crazy but yet can not seem to GAIN any weight..and its not like he plays it off b/c he will play for a few minutes and get tired and go lay down for a little while before playing again..not to mention he drinks about 2 cans of pedisure a day and take vitamins....and eats more than my 5 year old and his twin put together!! I can always count on Tre to finish up the leftovers!! *lol*